just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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