i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
