His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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