There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
