Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
