This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
