Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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