Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
