So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize