Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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