I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
