my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
