I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
