I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
how drunk are you?
Several
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
