Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Houston, we have a squirter
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
