you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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