Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
