idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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