Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
