So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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