All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
