you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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