I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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