And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
