you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
being pregnant is like rehab
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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