Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
