You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
