i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize