Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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