last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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