Please, let me fuck your mom
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
