mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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