I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize