Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
