My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
