Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
