Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
well you can't waste a boner
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize