dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
