That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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