I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
