THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
