sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
this is an emotional support booty call
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
