That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
