I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
