The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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