I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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