just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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