ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize