we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
