i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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