The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize