What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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