Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
