think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Screwed.edu
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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