It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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