i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
