You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
