he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
