OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
