Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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