The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
