i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
