so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
