I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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