So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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