i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
