He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
