god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
