either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
