I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
