Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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