Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
