Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
