yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
