At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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