I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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