O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
