So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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