I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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