so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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