I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
