I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
