I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
