I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
