i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
